I don't remember the last time the day felt like home.

Maybe it never did.

The shadows and the small spaces always felt safer.

Hidden under the covers the monsters could not get me.

I would speak to the small dark space as if it were a friend.

A protector.

She would speak back to me sometimes.

I would hear her words like soothing calm.

When all others had shut me out the small dark was my friend.

I offered her my fears, my worry, my grief.

And her shadow would cradle me to sleep and dry my tears.

I got comfortable in the small dark.

She became my home.

My place of worship.

Though I had yet to learn of her vast beauty.

She felt safe when it was just me and her under the covers.

She was kind.

I grew older.

And with age came confidence and bravery.

No longer did I seek her under the covers.

I would patiently watch the sun set and watch for her purple tones of twilight cresting over the horizon welcoming me home to safety.

I would walk with her then, in the twilight, My Vast Shadowed Inamorata.

I would offer her my woes and she would listen with owl hoots and coyote howls.

She was kinder still than all others had ever been.

We would spend the nights together as I gazed longingly into her single silver eye and shining freckles.

And brushed my hands against the skeleton trees I swore were hers.

I offered her my pain and she gave me peace.

I let my heart bleed at her forested altar.

I laid upon the soil and wished to rot as she whispered beautiful sounds into my mind.

There is no safer place than with my goddess in the dark.

She speaks to me still.

Though I feel so far from her.

I hear her whispers calling me back.

Laying claim to what is hers.

I will return to her soon.

I will watch the sun crest the horizon and walk that twilight once more.

I will listen to her calls.

I will feel her darkness cradle me in its embrace.

I will touch the trees I am sure are her hands and hers alone.

I will offer her my pain, my grief, my anger.

And I will lay before her altar, once more.

Ribs broken open.

Offering her my heart.

For my Heart has always been yours, My goddess.

And I have kept it from you for too long.